Thank you, Party Gods.

I am going to nominate a group of scientists in Denmark for the Nobel Prize in Chemistry. What they have discovered could dramatically alter the lives of more than 500 million people around the globe, ending years of misery and countless evenings of suffering.

These scientists have identified 28 glycoproteins that have structures similar to known allergens.

Forget the scientific mumbo-jumbo. This is what is earth-shattering: the scientists may have finally found the reason why I can’t drink wine without getting a headache and congested.

Scientist Giuseppe Palmisano of the University of Southern Denmark in Odense says 8-percent of the world’s population sneeze, sniff, cough or get skin rashes when they drink wine. One-percent are allergic to the sulfites winemakers add to wine to prevent spoilage. But what about everyone else?  The other 92% who sit blowing their noses after a single glass of Pinot Noir?

After analyzing the Italian Chardonnay grape, Palmisano and his team discovered that the glycoproteins are similar to known allergens like ragweed and latex.  These proteins form naturally as the grapes ferment causing allergic reactions is some people.

OK, now we know what’s causing the problem.  Great.  Can we now go the next step and get about the task of creating a complex hypoallergenic vintage with a focused, grassy taste and subtle mineral undertones?

And be quick about it, please.  Mama’s having the girls over.

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