Susan asks: Why can’t I make pasta? Mine is always too hard, or it’s mushy or it clumps up.

Susan, you made me remember a joke I heard on Ellen the other day: What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

Okay, back to work.

If your pasta is hard, it’s because it hasn’t been cooked long enough. Pasta is ready when it is al dente, which means tender but firm. It should offer a slight resistance when bitten. You should also see no white in the core when you cut into it.

If your pasta is mushy, it’s because (wait for it…) you cooked it too long. Follow the suggested cooking times on the box. If the pasta is fresh, ask the seller how long to cook it (usually it’s not more than a few minutes).

As for the clumping, always cook pasta in lots of water so it will have room to move around and cook evenly. Think 6 quarts of water (with a little salt) for 1 pound of pasta. Also, boil the water first and then add the pasta slowly so it continues to boil. Stir the pasta until it returns to a boil and then periodically after that.

And speaking of the boiling water… DON’T THROW IT ALL OUT! Reserve a cup or two to thicken the sauce with the starch in the water.

If the pasta does end up sticking together, pour hot pasta water over it (another reason to save a cup or two). You can also spray it with oil and stir it gently with a rubber spatula.

Here are a few more tips for making perfect pasta:

• Place a wooden spoon in the pot of boiling water and pasta to prevent boil-overs.

• If you don’t have a pasta pot (a pot with a strainer insert), use a mesh strainer to scoop the noodles out of the boiling water.

• There’s a lot of debate about whether you should rinse pasta after cooking. Mama’s take? Rinsing DOES stop the cooking process, but it also makes it cold. And, I think it keeps the sauce from sticking to the noodles.

• Keep the pasta warm after cooking it. Cold pasta sticks together.

• Refrigerate leftover pasta in a container of cold water for a day or two.

Next, we’ll tackle pairing pasta with the right pasta sauce! Buon Appetito!